Oh, even our cheese graters have to be twee now? For the love of Gouda. Check back tomorrow to learn whether grating the fuck out of my wrists has resulted in a successful suicide.

Spine candles? Yes. The fact that the seller says they “repel darkness?” Double yes. In fact, the only way to plus this shit up is if it was made from a real spine. Like yours.

The only downside of this Bigfoot Garden Yeti is the fact that there totally isn’t one. Come on you asswipes, this thing rules.

Having commitment issues? Get this little peeper instead. You cannot go wrong with Yeti Yard Art.

You nerds better get some of these hand-stitched Vulcan oven mitts. I would hate for you to be reaching for a roast and accidentally burn the only woman you’ve ever loved.

What do you get for the person who everything? Everything except emotionally-scarring night terrors, that is. Duh, a handmade, three-faced flying purple people eater conjoined fetal skeleton. Love it, cuddle it, shower with it… he’s your newest forever pal. Frankly and thematically…

Jessie Wallin is slingin’ the giggles with skeleton babies and sidesplitting cross stichery .

The sweetest, sweetest thing anyone can do on Valentine’s Day is murder your enemies, but the next sweetest thing is this — using effeminate hands to turn an ice dispenser into a candy machine. Awww, but seriously, why does this guy’s girlfriend like such crappy candy? Where them G. Bears at???

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fucking awesome door accessory…and also probably a little anal rape.

via CMYBacon

Let the world’s most renowned analrapist carry your prayers directly to Jesus’ ears. Do I really need to say anything more about this Tobias Funke prayer candle? Oh, yes. You’re welcome.

Via fuckyeahdementia

I don’t have time for you little dicklicks right now, but I wish I did…which leads me to this Dandelight. Get it? Because then I could make wishes. And bring you d-licks back into my life. I swear I can be so sentimental sometimes…

Why would I buy a rad-ass chicken fort for my chickens? Somebody should enjoy the magical childhood of which I’m planning to deprive my kids.

Via Pinterest