Monday, July 2, 2012

Bible Vs.

It should be pretty obvious: the Virgin Mary is a Blood.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Lil’ Fuckers: The Cookie Crumbles

I was looking for a rug on Etsy when I heard the terrible news. RIP, Cookie Monster. It turns out the real monster was *dramatic pause* us. In other news, Soylent Green is made from people.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Turns out the Holy Spirit entering your body feels exactly like brain freeze.


Holy Wine popsicles via my badical brother.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I Don’t Swim in Your Frat House…

“Summer’s just around the corner. If only there were a way to guarantee that everyone pees in my pool,” I thought in desperation. And just like that my prayers were answered with the Port-O-Pong Beer Pong Raft – for use in pools, lakes, rivers, and whatever other body of water you want to turn into a port-o-potty. There is a God, and His name is

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Vagina Mary

I’ve got a Not-So-Virgin Mary sculpture here about an Egyptian protester-style virginity test. Or possibly a pre-abortion transvaginal ultrasound. Not sure. Those big lips make everything she says all mumbly. What I can say is the only thing holy about this Holy Mother is that hella giant vagina hole. High-five, y’all.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


I do my best not to think about important things. Life is too full of porn, booze and vampire books for introspection and shit. But a product like this Time Flies Clock makes me question A) the perpetuation of our spend-and-toss dystopia; B) The existence of a benevolent God and; C) When the fuck is Chick-fil-a going to start opening on Sundays? By the way,  you can totally do this your damn self, but why anyone would want to absolutely mystifies me.

Friday, June 3, 2011

What Wouldn’t Jesus Do?

It’s your own. Personal. Jesus


Holy Trinity, Jesus has more endorsement deals than Kobe Bryant (or whatever sports man is relevant nowadays). But it’s cool because why would you need the Second Coming when you can have a second helping? Answer me, God damn it!

Monday, May 23, 2011

If You Can Read This, You Didn’t Get Raptured

Some people seem to think these portraits of little boys smoking are disturbing. I say what’s really disturbing is listening to your mom blather on every night about how fat her labia are. I’m totally blocking her number when I get home.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Somewhere in creation God is getting a major 404. In case you’re like, “What’s the Holy Hubbub,” let me tell you that up there is a bicycle mustache. So before IT tells God to try turning it off and on again, maybe we can fix this. What about just having a bicycle and a mustache or even a mustache mug in the ironic cup holder you had installed on your bicycle? What about just getting one of those mustache necklaces and also a bicycle one? Mustache finger tattoo and a bicycle sleeve? No? Does anyone else see a giant beach ball spinning in the sky? Eh. It’s probably nothing.

Friday, April 15, 2011


I’m not really in the market for any crows or pigeons right now. After all, I have a whole closet full of souls with the tags still on. They say never throw away your skinny souls, you’ll get back into them. But who are we kidding, amiright ladies? And just try donating those to your local women’s shelter.


Oh, BTW, “Satan” is so polarizing. I prefer the term “Salvation Impaired.”

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