Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Tap that Ass

Nothing says “I’m still a bachelor” like a stadium seat that makes it look like you’re pissing yourself and drinking your own urine. Newsflash: your seat may be camouflage, but we can clearly see that you’ll die alone.

 

 

Via Caleb, who’s a poet blog contributer and didn’t know it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Elementary Humor

Who’s ready for this daughter of a Chemist to shame my whole family? Here goes!

You should sit on Mercury, cuz your ass is crazy!

Can your friends sit here? No, they Argon!

When I eat my meals, this is where Iodine!

 

1…2…3…DISOWNED!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I.D. Dallas Summer Showcase: Be There or Be Murdered

It’s time to replace your denim-covered Rooms To Go couch from the Cindy Crawford collection. So scoot your denim-covered ass to I.D. Dallas’ Summer Furniture Showcase this weekend to ogle and buy amazing handcrafted furniture (and furnishings) with some amazing handcrafted dudes thrown in to sweeten the deal.

Duh, guys who build furniture are hot.

HOSTED BY: I.D. Dallas

WHERE: Stage 404Address and Map

WHEN: Saturday the 16th, 8pm – 10pm & Sunday the 17th, 11am – 4pm

WHO: Kipp Lott, Field Day, Springer Design Studio, Council & Craft, Richard Wincorn, Stash Design, Dan H. Phillips, KC Caekaert, Tony Barsotti and Satelluxe

ALSO: Free parking, complimentary wine

 

I’ll be there every minute of both days, so come say hello and compliment my rack. It’s the polite thing to do.

 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Hands on a Hard Booty

Well, kids, now that Michael Jackson’s dead, you’ll need to buy this sofa if you want velvety soft hands to cup your ass.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Just Hanging Around

I found this chair on ffffound. It was re-blogged from a blog called “this isn’t happiness,” but as the proud owner of a trashcan full of these hangers (except in mauve, it was the 1990s, sue me) I assure you, finding a use for those fuckers is just about as happy as it gets.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

In The Bag

I don’t know why, but I want a bean bag chair. I can only imagine it’s because the backs of my thighs simply aren’t sweating nearly enough. Also, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BRUSH YOUR BANGS OUT OF YOUR EYES!!! Or, you know, maybe I could just stop staring at them…

“The Man” Being Ethan Allen

You know what hippies hate, besides the efficient charms of Capitalism and any rationale supporting the basic tenets of hygiene? The motherfuckin’ three-second rule!

In your face, accepted notions of human decency that suggest it’s unsanitary to eat food off the floor! Suck it, unnerving feeling that every bite entering your mouth is coated in dog hair and skin flakes! Kiss their asses, realization that bulgar wheat and nutritional yeast are rendered even more repulsive at Birkenstock level!

Extremely rough, pus-filled blister, chewed-cuticle high-five, hippies! Way to stick it to the man!

 

 

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Blowing Bubbles

Rub-a-dub-dub

White trash in a tub

Piled in by the dirty dozen.

Some rednecks, some hookers

Stripclub talent bookers

All lounging and kissing their cousins.

Monday, May 14, 2012

DIYDS: When I Dip, You Dip, We Dip

I’ve been searching for a desk chair and instead of finding one, I’ve just figured out I don’t like most chairs. Then that crazy ol’ cooter Pinterest showed me this. Now I can’t wait to rush out, buy all the supplies and then let them just sit there. Because let’s face it, I never finish anythi…

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Gettin’ Stooled

These tables and stools are eco-friendly. They take scrap bits they find at lumber yards, put them in a bucket of hold-together stuff (my guess is Fix-O-Dent…and forget it!) and create table legs and stool tops. Which is weird because I like to pick up stuff I find lying around lumberyards, too. Namely, lumberjacks.

via Clint “SoCal” Martin

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