I didn’t think it possible, but there is something out there stupider than a vague, sweeping internet censorship bill written by a bunch of computer-illiterate old blowhards who, as we speak, are probably on the phone with one of their grandkids trying to figure out how to “make the sex tweets” at their intern. Wondering if this dog rack dog humiliation device is even real? Me, too. But we’ll have to wait until tomorrow because the Fairdale site is closed to protest SOPA.
The VHS notebook is the perfect place to compose the 500-page dissertation it will take to explain Roku to your mom. I know. As my mom is so fond of reminding me, “You’ll get old someday and then you won’t be able to do the technology either.” And as I am so fond of reminding her, “Nuh-uh!”
If you’re enough of a lonely loser to sit at your computer with a “pet rock” in your right hand, I have a feeling your left hand is doing some petting of its own, nawmean?
I just realized this is a USB rock, not a mouse. So let’s all ignore what I wrote and reflect on the fact that a chihuahua peed on my boob today.
I don’t drink beer, seeing as to how I am classy and shit. But, should I decide to move to a Michigan trailer park and start cow-tipping, you can bet your sweet bippy I will pick up the Seussian Skuuzi koozie. According to the description, it somehow keeps your hand warm and your beer cold. “What devilment be this,” is probably what your asking yourself. The answer: the devily kind. I really can’t be more specific due to the nondisclosure. As you can imagine, Hell has the best lawyers.
Use these suction cup spectacles to prop up your iPad and iPhone. Which is ironic since you use those devices to prop up your self-esteem. “No, wait, guys, guys, guys. I’m cool, I swear.”
via swissmiss
I don’t know which is worse: the unblinkingly sinister overeagerness or the SmartShopperTM 301 Grocery List Organizer. Even the name is overcomplicated. It’s voice activated and sorts over 2,500 preloaded groceries and household supplies alphabetically or by category. But, you know what else can make and sort lists? My brain. And I don’t need to read an instruction manuel to figure it out. It runs on booze and tacos.
A tiny USB harmonica. Looks like the last road block between hipsters and being Bob Dylan 2.0 is officially blowin’ in the the wind. Plus, this gives them something to do when they’re not busy listening to that hipster whistling song and pretending to like Tom Waits.
Look, someone upcycled an AT-AT into a deepfryer / grill / griddle combo with a cutting board sidecar (as if anyone fucking eats vegetables anymore). It doesn’t come with a replacement colon. But it does come with free apathy. Fat pants and Segway sold separately.
Shopping for an egomaniac just got a lot easier. Ether Press turns an arrogant friend’s Tweets into a book or, in our case, a porn magazine.
This is called DrawTop for your laptop and it’s “great for jotting down notes on the go.” Thank goodness, too, because where else would you jot stuff down? In a Word doc? Preposterous. Apple Stickies? Try again, dummy. In an email? It’s like you’re not even listening!!! Who types when you can write with really chunky markers that make your handwriting look like shit? I hate white boards, they’re too smooth. Bring on the DrawTop Chalkboard and we’ll DrawTalk.
via Incredible Things
