This poor little kitty drank way too many glasses of Chardonn-gay.

Does anyone else have the sudden urge to watch some hardcore S&M man-on-man porn?

Behold the Cthulu Roaster

I’m quitting advertising and joining the research field solely so that I can apply at this company. But when I get hired, you can bet there’s no way I’m saying, “I just got an awesome RIM career.”

Cocktail Rimmers available here. Internet rabbit hole of perversion available by special order only.

I guess this answers the age-old question: Bert isn’t gay. No self-respecting gay man would leave the house without waxing that unibrow. Also, I’m pretty sure the expression on his face says, “There’s a 100% chance that I’m gonna motorboat you.”

First of all, I love funnels. Second of all, this is my new favorite thing to say. Fill-a-Lilly. Fill-a-Lilly. Fill-a-Lilly. Plus it’s a way better name than Vagina Spout which is pretty much what it is.

According to these cute coasters, Acapulco is the place to be. Festive atmosphere, fun in the sun, and no judgment when you drunkenly gallivant around town in your kicky belted period-week underwear.

Pre-order your Dolly Parton hard case now. You never know when Apple’s gonna release the ddPhone.

This wallpaper pattern is called Dick Picnic. Cute name, but not really a new concept. I’ve been on a million dick picnics in my life… but then again, I’m kind of a smorgaswhore.

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via Jamie Derringer’s Tweety fingers

Apparently Naked Decor sells housewares, but I just haven’t noticed any in this picture…

Though if this dude expects doggy to be distinctive every single time, I may have to “shop” somewhere else. I can only be so creative when I’m half-drunk and rushing before my one of my boyfriends gets home.

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via Stephanie Murdoch

This wallpaper prepares your little boy for his impending homosexuality. Nothing says “future theater major” like a big friendly bear leering into your nursery.