These are called wall tears and I suspect it’s because they suck so bad they actually made an inanimate object weep. Hell, even I cried and I’m at least 10% animate. On a good day. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

I can’t decide if these make me want to decorate for Halloween (time-consuming!) or just go the easy route and get pregnant with “accident-prone” Albino quadruplets.

So today a friend sent me this print. I needed the name of a famous camel to complete this post so I Googled “famous camels” like any normal human. Well, Google only sort of knew what I meant and sent me “The 40 Most Famous Camel Toes” instead. Go ahead, take a peek. It’s not terrible* at all.

*Exact opposite of not terrible.

This is one way to keep your coworkers out of your lunch box. Another way is to fill the lunch box with pirañas. Less practical, but very dramatic. A third way is a decoy lunch laced with ipecac. I find a few hours of violent vomiting really makes an impression.

Ben and Jerry’s newest flavor: Chocolate Nip Cookie Ho.

Turns out for years we’ve been misspelling Donald Dick.

I don’t know what hippie idiot came up with this, but I promise you I’ve never thought, “I love my period and I love tiny cups. If only there were a way to combine the two…”

Here are two things that will give you opposite boner:

1. I’m about to slather on some Vicks Vaporub.

2. This leaf sculpture is made entirely of human hair.

Sorry for the short post, but I could barely stop vomiting long enough to tell you about these grillable Cakewurst cupcake sausages. It’s cupcake batter in a pig intestine for your grill – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If your hobbies include creative baking and serial killering.

Some of you dummies will wanna make this DIY lunchbox for poor people, but I’m not crafty, so I’m going to start small and DIY my own lunch. It’s the same basic setup: Get a milk jug, put it on the counter, leave it there for a couple weeks and voila! Cottage cheese. Nutritious, delicious and also tuberculosis.