It seems like just yesterday (technically it was Friday) I was making a Star Wars related nerd joke and here we are again. Just imagine what we as a culture could do if our thinkers and designers devoted just a smidge’ less time to coming up with ever more novel ways to NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN. You know what’s worse that your pasty white legs and arthritically-clawed masturbation hand? Your pasty white legs and arthritically-clawed masturbation hand sticking out of a Yoda robe.
Well, I’ll be damned. Look how happy we are to be on the League of Funny Bitches Podcast with the lovely and fabulous Noa (that’s her pokin’ her cutie mug in) and Alicia (who’s face, fist and foot will make appearances) of your new favorite blog, Oh Noa. Watch us squirm! Hear us swear! Remember that horizontal stripes and the camera each add ten pounds!
Here’s that link again in case you’re as stupid as you look: League of Funny Bitches Podcast
And here’s the Field Day link, since I said the wrong effing url like a tool. FIELD DAY!!!
And here’s the Fart Party link, because hello, it’s a Fart Party.
Breastfeeding in public is so offensive to me. Making dick jokes in a public forum with all of the cuss words? Perfectly non-offensive. They’re called standards people, look ‘em up.
These chairs absolutely make me want to revisit my breakfast, which is very polite code for “barf my everloving guts out.” Why? Oh, there’s a reason why.*
*Just so you know, I didn’t look at that picture because I’m sure it’s SO FUCKING GROSS. But I used my Mad Internet Skillz to obtain it for you. You’re welcome!
Roses are red. Violence is, too. I got you these zombie chocolates because I love…zombie chocolates. I mean, I assume that since you’re vomiting that means you’re not going to be eating these, right?
Hey, kids, this super-duper yummy and oh-so-nutritious Spaghetti O’s Pizza is brought to you by a severe Number 2 and the letters CP and S!
Apparently the cast of Pawn Stars just discovered the invention of mail because all of these bacon-flavored envelopes are out of stock.
via Clint “Drop It Like It’s Hot” Martin
The Thing is a subscription to quarterly objects that include words created by artists and writers. I guess I should support their vision, but instead I’m taking a giant 2o12 inaugural dump on it. Q1′s object: a shower curtain written by Dave Eggers. For the first time, the thing in the bathroom most full of shit won’t be your butt. Let’s hope that crab shampoo also gets rid of affectations, pretensions and general douchetardness.
This year you can buy Jersey Shore ornaments for your tree. Buy all three and they’ll throw in self-tanner, a bottle of Chaser and a case of the clap.
I have my own form of Kitchen Bull. And it goes a little something like, “Of course I didn’t soak your meatloaf in ipecac.”
