These are called wall tears and I suspect it’s because they suck so bad they actually made an inanimate object weep. Hell, even I cried and I’m at least 10% animate. On a good day. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

This lamp puts the “um” in umbilical cord and the FBI wire tap on your landline, and then it puts the “um” on your landline, because who’s still tethered to the wall with a cord? This guy is, my friends. And that’s why it’s called the Circle of Life. (jazz hands.)

Turns out the light’s not at the end of the tunnel… it’s in the corner of your bedroom, right in front of the camera your landlord installed to watch you have sex. Needless to say, he shut off the camera feed long ago and now files your rent checks under “Penis Repeller.”

I’ve seen a ton of porcelain heads in my time, but never one like this. Seriously. No lion*.

*It’s sad how proud I am of that.

So today a friend sent me this print. I needed the name of a famous camel to complete this post so I Googled “famous camels” like any normal human. Well, Google only sort of knew what I meant and sent me “The 40 Most Famous Camel Toes” instead. Go ahead, take a peek. It’s not terrible* at all.

*Exact opposite of not terrible.

Plywerk takes your photos and mounts them on sustainably harvested wood. Hmmm…your face mounted on wood? Sounds like just another Saturday night. And by “your face” I mean this porcupine. He or she is a total slut.

Yep, you need buy this print. And while we’re on the subject of your needs, a mustache wax wouldn’t kill you either.

via Nancy the Desk Topper Drawer

Nobody puts baby picture in a corner! Well, okay, maybe it it’s this one.

Weird. In this print it takes a a girl, a dog and a wagon to get the same reaction I  usually get from a rusty Venus Embrace.

Is this really an issue? Are people friending your friends? Guess what, I promise I won’t. I’m all stocked up on wizards and dungeon masters anyway.