All I can say is it’s about fucking time unicorns got what they deserved. Year after year, they show up in fantasy art looking all mystical and glittery. Granting wishes. Spearing things. Peeing on your grandma’s corpse. Kicking babies. Stealing your underpants… Wait a second, that’s not unicorns. That’s me!!!

via Jame “No Joke” Hoke

I like guns. I like neon. Put them together and what do you get? A set of wet underpants.

Wall-Mount Test Tube Vases? More like Wall-Mount Condom Vases. I can’t help it: when I look at these I see condoms. Also, when I look at hot dogs, I see penises, when I look at coin purses, I see vaginas, when I look at apples and oranges, I see butts and boobs, and when I look at Oprah, I see hope for humanity. What? I may be a pervert, but I’m still a woman!

Oh boy, this came from Oh Joy!

These are called Lonely Hangers…kind of like your dick. HIOH! Actually, they’re “derived from cup handles that were broken off from their cups.” But seriously $45 for 3 seems a little stiff. And  that is something your dick shall never be…

The only thing I have in common with the owner of this dry erase clock is that we both spend time vibrating at 4:00, if you know what I mean. (I mean masturbating). But instead of dreaming, loving and all that crap, my daily breakdown looks like this:

12:00 – Drunk Driving

1:00 – Raping

2:00 – Arson

3:00 – Reflecting on My General Awesomeness

4:00 – Vibrating (wink, wink)

5:00 – Buying Myself Gifts

6:00 – Gazing at Myself in the Mirror

7:00 – Judging Others

8:00 – Pillaging

9:00 – Vehicular Manslaughter

10:00 – Naptime

11:00 – Body Shots

My days are clearly pretty full. Speaking of which, I gotta run. It’s past Rape :45 and I’m late for an “appointment.”

I’m keeping this short because I’m super busy vomiting onto my keyboard. This Coco Mirror looks like toenail clippings and even typing that makes me want to die. OH MY GOD IT’S LIKE THEY’RE IN MY MOUTH. Gag gross puke vom oh my God, ick sick my guts are wrapped around the spacebar.

via Robin, who I will forgive for this eventually

This post is like the Doublemint Twins of BHG. Except you don’t want to tittyfuck it. (Or do you?!?) Up for grabs we have two items illustrated by Oliver Jeffers…

1. A hand-drawn map of the world and some pushpins. (Yay. Holes.)

2. A book called, “The Incredible Book Eating Boy.” (Let’s crap words!!)

via swissmiss

Does this poster rule –> Yes.

Do you suck? –> A little bit. –> I’m not going to lie.

This is so fucking strange I don’t even know what to say about it. It’s a man with another man coming out of his abdomen pooping tapeworms into a reincarnated fish’s mouth, right? But that’s not even the weird part. The weird part is I totally have that hat.

I want Judy Paul’s Tiger River print for the empty wall space above my bed. See, the tiger is a metaphor. Sure, it says that I’m a wild cat in the sack, but much like a tiger I can also spend up to eighteen hours sleeping, I eat mostly meat but will occasionally enjoy vegetation for fiber, and that I made my first kill at around 18 months of age.