Matthew Cox mixes X-rays and embroidery and if you could see in my pants right now, you’d see a total whipstitch boner.

via CMYBacon

Hi, welcome to the future. JK, suckas. It’s probably still 2011. I measure the days by the stack of empty wine boxes in my recycle bin, so I’m never really sure. Anyways, here’s a most triumphant example of stitching that even historical dudes and dudettes couldn’t help but enjoy. Now, go be excellent to each other and then air guitar me out.

First of all, I just think it’s a super amazing idea to use nails as decoration. I’ve used them for head wounds, but never decoration!! Second of all, I love that the creator of this acknowledges that it totally looks like a butt and you know me and big booty hos — we hump wit it.

*Crickets.*

via Share Some Candy

This is called the ThumbSaver Magnetic Nail Holder and it’s about fucking time. Though I have to be honest, when I’m getting nailed it’s not my thumbs I’m worried about. Amiright, Fellas? Low five.

via The World’s Best Ever, Please notice that the post on TWBE said, “So necessary” and then in the comments it says, “Necessary if you’re an asshole, yes.”

Killhouettes are murderous silhouettes. But they’re more than that. They’re also an idea bank for how to finally off that dolt you’ve been sexing…or just that random bitch from the street.

via Wendy “Go Fuck Yourself” Bouis

“I never win anything.” And you never will. Fortunately, earmark is willing to lie on your behalf. I know these are really being used as party invites and wedding save the dates, but for a few extra dollhairs I’m sure they’ll hook you up with a “Gonarrhea-free for 8 months.” See that? It doesn’t even have to be true!!!

I just wanted to let you know that somewhere on the internet, this is happening. And for just $35 it could be happening on a wall near you. No, no. Don’t thank me. Unless it’s by petitioning Congress for a national holiday in my honor. In which case, thank away.

Did you know there’s a such thing as magnetic primer that turns your whole entire wall into a great big memo board? Well there is. It’s really awesome and I really hope you get some and then I really, really hope it rips out your cock ring.

via The other BHG

The Wall is a book about modern day music posters and features our pit-stained friends, Magnificent Beard. You should buy it. If you want. I mean you don’t have to or anything. It’s really up to you. I, I, I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Are you sure you’re okay? You’re pretty. Will you be my friend?*

*This post brought to you by my new character The Insecure Blogger.