This is one way to keep your coworkers out of your lunch box. Another way is to fill the lunch box with pirañas. Less practical, but very dramatic. A third way is a decoy lunch laced with ipecac. I find a few hours of violent vomiting really makes an impression.

Sneaking your beer into the stadium using a bad Unibomber costume with a straw sticking out of it? Some people would call that conspicuous. Other people would call it fucking retarded.

To turn this lamp on, you just shake it’s hand. So, basically, it’s you in lamp form.

Hold on to your black ties, folks, because shit just got CLASSY in here. Wouldn’t this be the perfect way to disguise the Porky’s hole you drilled into the wall of your neighbor’s shower?

These towel clips are genius unless you have one of those shitty plastic loungers. But if you do, you’re probably swimming in a septic tank so it’s a lost cause anyway.

Shark, Dolphin and Crab Leg, $16.25

A few weeks ago we posted about how Bret Michaels is designing his own pet-wear. It appears that Steven Tyler’s emaciated corpse wants in on that. Well, not S.T.’s corpse, per se, but Puppylocks, makers of fine feather weaves for your pooch. Which is great, because I’d hate for there to be a totally played-out trend that our pets can’t enjoy. And just because, here’s a picture of a 90s cheerleader bow the groomer slapped onto my wolf hybrid. It’s all fun and games until someone gets their face eaten.

Ben and Jerry’s newest flavor: Chocolate Nip Cookie Ho.

Mark your calendar, folks. July 3rd. The first and only time I’ve ever wanted to go camping. And it’s all due to this split crotch sleeping bag.

Let me translate this poster for the stupid people: “Fuck off!” Of course, this is substantially less applicable since the invention of the Tropic of Cancer fleshlight.

And since it’s almost the Fourth of July: Ronald Reagan riding a velociraptor. America!

It should be pretty obvious: the Virgin Mary is a Blood.