Monday, December 3, 2012

Hamming It Up

Hold on. Recovering from vomiting after writing that terrible post title. “All your post titles are terrible.” Well, you can go to hell. Be sure to say “hi” to my mom when you get there. Back to this post. It’s about this Jon Hamm coloring book I found via the Etsy Pinterest boards. Love it. Because nothing says “holidays” like a coloring book about a handsome, lushy anti-hero with a burger problem. Except waking up dazed in a strange bed next to a department store Santa. Or a handwritten card that reads, “One free pass for anal.”

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Delivering a Tongue Bashing

Much like a purple nurple, this is a shocking twist: these aren’t actually obscene! Apparently the goal of this crap is to “sublimate the fonction of the object.” Yes, fonction. That’s what is says. I don’t know what the fonction it’s supposed to mean but I think we can all agree that it’s time to change our underpants.

Me-owwww

I heard that every time you burn toast a kitten masturbates, but that can’t be true. Can it?

Domo Toaster, $40

via Incredible Things!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Oh My Gourd

I realize we’re over a month out from Halloween, but if ever there was a product made for this blog, it’s Pornkins, porn stencils for your pumpkins. Here at BHG, we keep it simple with wieners and boobs, but if you have the steady hand to pull off actual intercourse, we tip our pumpkin stems to you. Perv on, perv-y.

Monday, November 12, 2012

The Pen Is Mightier

Thank goodness this says “bitches” because if it said “male equivalent of bitches” it’d be way too small. I’d need at least three times that much space to list all the people I’m gonna holla at… We are talking about people we’re going to yell at because they suck, right?

Friday, November 9, 2012

Urine the Running

I may not be a pee pro, but I’m pretty well-known on the amateur circuit. Which is what I call the toilet in my master bathroom, in case you were wondering.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

DIYDS: The Ghost with The Most…Rage

Halloween was Wednesday, but minus a prescription for Seasonique, your period haunts you (and all those idiots you know) once a month. So if now is your time — OMG, MINE TOO WE ARE LIKE SO SYNCED UP — make this and celebrate the joys of crying at reruns of Reba.

via Tampon Crafts, an entire blog dedicated to crafting with tampons

A Real Bra Burner

Hey party people! Just putting the finishing touches up for the mega-rager I’m going to be throwing tonight. I’ve got my Feminist Kill Joy banner up, the bras are crackling merrily in the fireplace, and the menstrual relief tea is brewing on the stove. Yep, it’s beginning to feel a lot like  Post-Sexism Neo-Socialist Utopia! And don’t you worry about getting bored. I’ve got activities a plenty. First, we’ll be pinning the pubic hair on the vagina(I would have gotten witty with the game name, but using euphemisms for vagina steals our power), then we’ll be pushing real hard until our leg hair grows, and then we’ll be taking back the word “cunt.” Be there or be square whatever shape you want because no one tells you what to do!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Lil’ Fuckers: I Tie With My Little Ire

The Pinterest/DIY/Mommy Blogger bullshit is killing me. You know what you can do instead of making – or, excuse me, crafting – a shoe tie practice board? You can let your stupid kid practice on SHOES. Where’s my fucking feature in ReadyMade?

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Batty

Scare the shit out of your potato chips with these Spooky Bat Pegs*. Or do it the old fashioned way — show them your bare thighs.

*It’s a British thang. Here in Texas we call them chip clips. Over in San Fran, they call them nip clips.

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