Nothing says ambiance like a nod to crushed, burning corpses. Now if only the manufacturer had the foresight to make these candles scented…
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
There are at least a couple of good reasons not to have a hot tub installed at your home. Number one: it’s not the 70s. But if you just can’t resist the urge to soak in a warm vat of diluted urine and spilled wine coolers, not to fear. The Hot Tug is here. (Hold your applause.) Now you can take your
show urinary tract infection on the road white-trash lake to remind your neighbors of the urgent need to circle-circle-dot-dot give themselves a douchebag shot. It a public service, really.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Turns out the light’s not at the end of the tunnel… it’s in the corner of your bedroom, right in front of the camera your landlord installed to watch you have sex. Needless to say, he shut off the camera feed long ago and now files your rent checks under “Penis Repeller.”
Monday, October 1, 2012
CLEAR! your counter and bring your toast back to toasty with this SHOCKINGLY cool toaster. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go toss it in the tub with some Mr. Bubble since I just double punned in a single post.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Not only does this roller fork make eating pizza much easier, but it also greatly improves the efficiency of wiener-based cannibalism.
When Mittens went off on his tangent about the good-for-nothing 47%, he left out one very important fact: that the other 47% are assholes. What kind of assholes? The kind who would buy a box of mail-order holiday gourds for $68. Sad but true. What about the 6% we left out? They’re busy masturbating. Tragically, they’re our nation’s best and only hope. God speed, diddlers.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
This Handmade Baked Potato Bean Bag Chair with Butter Pat Pillow is only $200. I know what you’re thinking, “Money doesn’t grow on trees, wench.” And maybe it doesn’t, but seriously is the name calling necessary?
Thursday, September 20, 2012
I can’t decide if these make me want to decorate for Halloween (time-consuming!) or just go the easy route and get pregnant with “accident-prone” Albino quadruplets.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
This little cassette-to-iphone gadget is guaranteed to top out at number one on the “What To Buy Someone Who Just Woke Up From A Coma They’ve Been In Since 1989″ 2012 Holiday Gift List. Salvaging their Men in Hats tape will really soften the blow when you tell them it’s now super not cool to wear Hammer Pants.
Friday, September 14, 2012
*It’s sad how proud I am of that.