The only problem with this Brush Buddies Justin Bieber Singing Toothbrush is the fact that it will make your teeth look like a total lesbian.

I’ll have you know that at my house, making tacos IS making war. Because I like to kill the cows myself, and also because I like to give them weapons and encourage them to fight back. You haven’t seen combat until you’ve seen a Red Angus with a thirst for blood, recently grave-snatched and freshly-stitched-on opposable human thumbs and a rusty Puckle Gun. Unless you’ve seen Apocalypse Now, in which case let’s just move on, shall we?

Ok, so Dinoprints says their custom-made, personalized, realistic photo-illustrations of people riding dinosaur are for kids. But that doesn’t justify the restraining order. I mean, I get it. My ass is so fly it’s criminal, but a simple rejection note would have sufficed. You’d think no one ever ordered a poster of themselves naked, nursing an armadillo while riding a dinosaur before.

On sale now at Fab.com.

The VHS notebook is the perfect place to compose the 500-page dissertation it will take to explain Roku to your mom. I know. As my mom is so fond of reminding me, “You’ll get old someday and then you won’t be able to do the technology either.” And as I am so fond of reminding her, “Nuh-uh!”

I hate the Rubix cube. That is all. No wait…I hate it when people say “that is all.” So that is all.

via Liz “No Preservatives” R.

Obviously, looking up Woozie Wine Koozies made me question whatever happened to Swoozie Kurtz. I mean, who didn’t love that redheaded minx in Bubble Boy and The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom? So off to IMDB went I, only to discover the saddest news I’ve gotten in a long time: God rest her soul… Swoozie’s on Mike and Molly. Worse than dead, I’d say. So I’ll be pouring a little clearance rack Yellow Tail out of my Woozie in honor of Swoozie. And then I’m getting a hysterectomy and hot flashes, because those seem like the most logical next steps.

The Forever Alone is supposed to be the perfect mattress for us single types. But, where will your 20 cats sleep? Zing! Now get out of here so I can change into my Cathy night shirt. I have a freezer of ice cream to eat and a stack of bikinis I want to try on under florescent lighting, then a long night of crying myself to sleep. Ack!!

In the game of “I could so do that,” Mark Rothko is the ultimate winner. Now you really can ‘do it’ by making his cookies and eating them. Oh yeah, I want to eat Mark Rothko’s cookies. It shouldn’t sound dirty, but it does. Now let’s just hope they’re moist. Ewww. Sick.

via CMYBacon

Hey, kids, this super-duper yummy and oh-so-nutritious Spaghetti O’s Pizza is brought to you by a severe Number 2 and the letters CP and S!

A recipe for Unicorn Poop cookies. Looks like their diet consists mainly of rainbows or the Lisa Frank section of your local Target. I’d stay away from both. They pack a mega-lot of poop into those glittery colons.