Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Side of Comfy

This Handmade Baked Potato Bean Bag Chair with Butter Pat Pillow is only $200. I know what you’re thinking, “Money doesn’t grow on trees, wench.” And maybe it doesn’t, but seriously is the name calling necessary?

Thursday, September 20, 2012

A Blighter Shade of Pale

I can’t decide if these make me want to decorate for Halloween (time-consuming!) or just go the easy route and get pregnant with “accident-prone” Albino quadruplets.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Mix Tape in a Coma, I Know It’s Sirius

This little cassette-to-iphone gadget is guaranteed to top out at number one on the “What To Buy Someone Who Just Woke Up From A Coma They’ve Been In Since 1989″ 2012 Holiday Gift List. Salvaging their Men in Hats tape will really soften the blow when you tell them it’s now super not cool to wear Hammer Pants.

Friday, September 14, 2012

It’s a Jungle In Here

I’ve seen a ton of porcelain heads in my time, but never one like this. Seriously. No lion*.

*It’s sad how proud I am of that.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Swept Away

Something tells me these feet belong to a very lonely woman that probably eats a lot of Dinty Moore Stew.


Friday, September 7, 2012

Crafter’s Paradise

My lifestyle is artsy, my craft friends would agree
So much tape that wrapping paper don’t faze me
Hot glue gun, DIY? Done.
Groupies on my Pinterest for some homemade fun
Craft blog is booming, internet zooming
Known around the web for my sick yarn looming
Martha Stewart’s teacher, DIY feature
Got some raw wool in my pantry waiting for me to bleach her,
Too many thrifts, turned into gifts
Give any crap from Goodwill a supercute facelift
Crease and tape it like a champ, never have to glue it
Cuz wrapping  ain’t easy; but somebody gotta do it

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Hey Shitheads, We’re Back

Motherfucking shit cock balls cooter hell damn prick needledick assfart cuntface pickle-nipples fucknuts pussy assbags bollocks whore tit fannyfucker crudmonkey bloody hell slutpunch wiener bullshit pisspants jizzbucket doucheface cumbucket pubepocket spunkmuppet queefboss shitbag twaticles.

Hey America, we’re baaaaack. And we brought all of the cusswords with us. See you soon, spazzsacks.


Thursday, August 9, 2012

L8R, H8R

While we’re very accustomed to breaking other people’s bones, our promises and children’s spirits, we’ve never taken a break from blogging. So we’re packing up for a couple weeks to stave off the impending carpal tunnel and take part in summer activities like hating people while sweaty and being lazy as fuck while sweaty.

Try not to ugly-cry your face off. We’ll see you kids in September!


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Party Time?

Ewww. Sick. Regular heads are so stupid, but Hip Hop Heads are HOT. Buy these tiny trucker party hats/teenage pregnancy makers and make your head suck less. You can write on them, too. Just be sure to make the “p” in dope backwards. Why? Because it’s not just tits. It’s grandma tits. (They’re so gross they’re cool!)

I mock what I love. I want these so bad it hurtz.

867-530-Whine (or Beer)

Beer opener iPhone case? Absolutely. We really don’t drunk dial enough.

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